(REVISED MAY 10, 2020) When Will I Get To See An R-Rated Version of The Little Mermaid?

I’ve attempted to do an updated list of the highest-grossing R-Rated movies of all time based on comic/graphic novel sources. Scroll ahead to see that list. 

Sigh. What’s a gal who loves animation – and digs sex, profanity and violence in movies – to do? Yeah, I know…Hentai is the answer (LOL)! Whatever you do…do NOT look up “Hentai” in Google images (though I know you’re going to do that anyway)!

For the time being, I’ll enjoy watching episodes of “Harley Quinn” on DC Universe! There is plenty of profanity and violence (though no sex scenes yet). Though there have been some cunnilingus – and bestiality – references! Maybe we’ll see a sex scene with Joker and Harley in season 2 (though I doubt it)!

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Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn in “Harley Quinn” the TV series, currently airing new episodes in season 2.

Animated TV series for an adult audience is great! But it’s always been one of my dreams to have good animated film for adults. I’m not talking about Fritz the Cat, Cool World, and I’m DEFINITELY not talking about Sausage Party! Team America: World Police came close to being that kind of movie (loved the raunchy puppet sex scene)!  Sausage Party stunk worse than rancid sausage (bleah)! What I REALLY want is a super cutesy Disney or Pixar-style film – but  with nudity, violence, profanity and awesome sex scenes. Alas, it’s not me – a 40-something Gen-X female without children – that moviemakers care about (even if I lived in China)! They mistakenly think I want to see a “she-boot” of Oceans 11 (Oceans 8) or Ghostbusters. Or maybe they think I want to watch something about bad moms – or a movie starring Rebel Wilson or Amy Schumer. A big NO THANK YOU to all of those! Not it! Though I will take Melissa McCarthy as a compromise!

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A scene from Fritz the Cat

I rented my first “porno” film when I was 18. I felt SO bold going into the “adult” room of Valley Video, which was my town’s primary “video store.” My friends were HORRIFIED! They refused to even be seen with me! I knew my folks would be out of town for a family reunion “Up North” (Michigan-speak for virtually anyplace north of where you are (specifically they were in Traverse City). For some folks, “Up North” means anything north of Lansing – others, anything north of the Mackinac Bridge, maybe it’s Saginaw/Bay City. Me? I consider anything West Branch or northward to be “Up North.” But none of that is important right now!

What’s important is I rented an animated adult flick called Dirty Little Adult Cartoons. It’s not like I didn’t have other options! I seem to remember Caddyshack Up being one of the other choices, and I’m sure other choices involved Debbie “doing” various cities. Nah! Those movies were too much like the ones my dad watched after we all went to bed (sometimes we’d find his raunchy tapes in the player). I wanted a filthy cartoon! How was it? It was…just as awful as you would imagine. Someone had a bear trap combined with a chastity belt to keep them from having sex, there was some really little guy with a really huge raging hard-on (my memories are fuzzy). My friends and I popped some popcorn and settled in for some animated pornographic badness! Then? My parents came home! Oh SHIT! So I got up and walked to the VCR and took out the tape.

Problem was? My mother saw me dart over to the TV as they were driving up! They knew I was watching something I shouldn’t be watching! My mom, being who she is, asked if me and my friends wanted some leftover cheesecake (yum)! My dad? He asked me to hand over the tape we’d been watching, and turned on the TV. Then he sat and WATCHED IT WITH US! It was kind of like those stories you used to hear about getting caught smoking by your dad, and he “punishes” you by making you smoke the whole pack right there. I’ll let a Simpsons meme do the talking here!

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Bart is SO busted! This was an episode where he worked for mob boss Fat Tony.

If you thought my friends were horrified when I’d rented that movie? Imagine how they felt having my dad sitting there watching that awful animated porno with them? Yup – just like that! I would probably do the same thing if I were a parent, though!

Sigh… I don’t expect I’ll ever see a version of The Little Mermaid where we get to see Ariel’s nude human parts or a version of Finding Dory where Hank the octopus moonlights doing Hentai films. With Ariel. And the rest of the Disney princesses. And princes. We’ll never see the “real” beast in Beauty and the Beast (pssst…it’s in the Beast’s pants…wait – does he ever wear pants)?  Yes he does, I just checked! And we’re certainly not going to see a version of Lady and the Tramp where the title characters do it “doggie style” or Zootopia where the characters all have a huge furry orgy. Actually, I don’t think I’d be watching that one even if I do get to see a lot of “fur” (furries…shudder)!

So I’ll settle for the next best thing. R-rated films based on comic books/graphic novels! I recently watched V for Vendetta on Guy Fawkes’ Day. There was…something about it that really made me “fired up” to go to the polls the next day! See what I did there?

I don’t want this blog to not teach you anything useful for trivia games (perish that thought)! So here’s a list of R-rated high-grossing films based on comics/graphic novels for your perusal…

 

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Taron Egerton as Gary “Eggsy” Unwin in Kingsman: The Secret Service.

Top Grossing R-Rated Movies (Based On Comic Books/Graphic Novels)⇓

Ranked according to domestic grosses (as of January, 2020)
  • Deadpool – $363.0M (U.S.), $783.1M (worldwide)
  • Joker – $334.0M (U.S.), $1.0B (worldwide)
  • Deadpool 2 – $324.5M (U.S.), $785.0M (worldwide)
  • Logan – $226.2M (U.S.), $619.0M (worldwide)
  • 300 – $210.6M (U.S.), $456.0M (worldwide)
  • Kingsman – The Secret Service $128.2M (U.S.), $414.3M (worldwide)
  • Watchmen – $107.5M (U.S.), $185.2M (worldwide)
  • 300 Rise of an Empire – $106.5M (U.S.), $337.5M (worldwide)
  • Kingsman – the Golden Circle – $100.2M (U.S.), $410.9M (worldwide)

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