“Relax, Honey – I’m A Professional.”

Got a package of things from Costco just now. Four cases of sparkling mineral water (most of which we plan to take on upcoming camping trips), two large bottles of lemonade, two large bottles of cranberry juice. I wish, I wish that Costco would deliver liquor (that’s another blog topic entirely)!

I immediately went to the front porch in my short nightgown (shorts underneath) with my (dull) box cutter and started attacking the packages. Open ’em up – sides first, then long strip of tape, pop the plastic bubble wrap with the dull knife, flatten boxes and put excess cardboard in the bin, plastic in the trash (wish I could recycle the plastic like I was able to do when I was working).

Husband peeks outside at me and says:

Can I help you with that? Nah, that’s pretty much a one person job.

I confirmed that yes, it’s a one person job. Though a buzzy “co-worker” outside on my front porch was distracting me a bit (darn wasp)! Don’t sting me – AND DON’T GO IN THE HOUSE!

Then husband sees me continuing to slash at cardboard and says:

Don’t cut yourself – though I know you know what you’re doing.

Again, I confirmed what he said:


Indeed…as low-brow as it is, I guess I am a “professional” at…unpackaging things. A majority of my job, before I was furloughed, involved breaking down pallets of merchandise after they came into the store. Which meant lots of cutting, slashing, trashing, lifting, etc.  Most of my job took place in a stock room, which meant very little interaction with (ugh) customers. And occasionally my job involved having words with pallets that threatened to collapse on me. Merchandise pallets are like wild animals – and only sharp objects will tame the mother f—ers!

Don’t make me cut you!

I know I need a better job, and that is something I’ll be looking into during the coming months. Though I have to admit, there’s a certain satisfaction in doing manual labor. Getting the hands dirty, using your muscles and… my inner barbarian does kind of like destroying and cutting things! Was I born at the wrong time? This would explain why I’ve been “barbaric” characters for Halloween on more than one occasion (including a Capital One barbarian). That was my favorite Halloween costume!

In case I do get called back into work soon, perhaps it was good to have that little “taste” of what I used to do! I just wish I had my nice sharp, red, folding utility knife that’s sitting in my locker at work (with lots of replacement blades)! Whether they call me back into work or not…I’m going to keep that knife and blades which I paid for myself! I made sure to save my locker combination in my phone in case so much time passes that I forget it…



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