I was out shopping at a Meijer grocery today and bringing my “essentials” in my shopping cart out to the car. My husband was doing the same (we decided to increase our efficiency by each of us taking a cart to get things and check out independently). This allowed us to exercise proper “social distancing” and all of the other yada yada yada we’re supposed to be doing because we don’t have enough COVID-19 tests in this blasted country and should ergo assume we’re all sick bastards. Did I just rant a bit there? Blame it on the quarantine!!!

So anyway…there I was with my cart containing three 1.75 liters of Burnett’s vodka, assorted juices, a couple of minor things for a potential “Taco Tuesday” and some piddling health/beauty things. And what do I see but a f—ing panhandler trying to (ick)  APPROACH me! I can pretty much spot a hustler a mile off, and I pretty much told the gentleman to “shoo, you!” Well, I wasn’t quite THAT nice – I said “You stay six feet away from me!”

He was startled, and said “Sorry, God bless.” Now that was my first clue right there that this guy was playing a hustle game – his use of the word “God.” Save it, Mister! You’ve pretty much just told me that even if I gave you some cash, you’d blow it on meth. Don’t ask me how I know…I just know.

Now I’ve been told that in general – I’m a pretty cool, calm collected gal –  and that I have a voice (and coordinating resting bitch face, LOL) –  that tends to reflect that vibe. But when I was trying to keep this panhandler (and his germs) away from me, I was using my “shit’s gettin’ real” voice! The tone of voice I reserve for unleashed dogs running at me, telling a classroom full of kids to shut their pie holes (you get the drift). If you ever hear me use this voice you KNOW you’re in trouble (or possibly I am)!

Damn…I really wish I would have had a halberd with me today!!!