More about t.p. in a bit!
Living with roommates in college has its challenges. Figuring out the appropriate level of boombox music (dating myself to mid ’90s) to drown out sex sounds without annoying your roommates, keeping those thoughtless bitches from using metal utensils on your non stick cookware (stored my stuff out of shorties’ collective reach – problem solved) and of course -sharing in the cost of household supplies. Which brings me to…
Toilet paper. A thing we used to not only take for granted, but also had a choice of colors! Until we learned the dyes weren’t environmentally friendly and also irritated lady bits (apparently).
When it was my turn to buy t.p., I always bought one-ply Scott tissue – 1,000 sheets per roll. No quilting, no scents, no pastel colors…no frills. What’s the problem? My parents used it, I was used to it I really thought there couldn’t be anything controversial.
Well, my roommates HATED it! They didn’t care that one of my prison grade t.p. rolls lasted A WHOLE WEEK as opposed to one of their girlie parts friendly fluffy rolls lasting a day for the four of us tops. They wanted their fluffy sewer clogging stuff -not t.p. they might use if incarcerated. But as long as I was buying the t.p. when it was my turn, logging my long distance calls, doing the cleaning when it was my turn and FOR F—-S SAKE watching 90210 and Melrose Place with them? Well, they couldn’t complain too much, could they?
Fast forward to today, and toilet paper is a commodity hotter than the Hope Diamond. I never used to think about how long t.p. would last after buying it, but then Shoppageddon happened recently. So I figured it out!
I bought a 4 pack of one ply Aldi 1,000 sheets per roll t.p. on March 9, two days before Operation Panic Buying kicked in. And my two person household has only used two of those rolls (about a roll a week). One male, one female (women use more t.p. because duh they use it every time they use the can and not just for poop).
Being that I’m not altogether immune to panic buying, I grabbed a 12 pack of 145 sheets/roll t.p. (off brand) March 14. Just one – I could’ve cleaned the shelves, but I’m not a selfish, greedy bitch.
I’ve already started using one of the 2-ply rolls in the basement bathroom. And I don’t tend to use as much as the prison grade stuff. Let’s hope we can make it through our governor’s stay at home decree before I either have to vainly try to find more, raid my mom and dad’s Costco stash or buy a freaking bidet! 💩
