There Can Be Such A Thing As Too Much Togetherness In Relationships…

Sometimes marriage – is a challenge. That’s not exactly an earth-shattering statement! If you want stats on what percentage of marriages end in divorce, you won’t have to look far!

But for couples that opt to make their marriages work, you might have a harder time finding “stats” for that! I’ve been married nearly 22.5 years, and let’s just say it’s not always sunny in “Matrimonia!” The stresses involved with living together, the things that go wrong in day-to-day life, raising kids, compounded with people’s feelings/moods all conspire to cause even the most committed, loving relationships to become strained. Some couples wind up becoming distant with their partners and having affairs with others (not all such affairs are sexual, either), and some just decide they can’t work through their differences and just call it quits. A close friend of mine has been married twice – and will be getting married for a third time next year. I joked that I’m not buying him another set of china or a $500 Juice-O-Matic 2000! When I said I’d buy him a “Clapper,” as a wedding gift, he actually said he’d love to have one of those (yes they still make them)! Are Clappers just primitive versions of Alexa devices (inquiring minds want to know)?  I know he’s in love, but part of me is still thinking that he’s moving a bit too fast with this relationship. But it’s his life!

Sometimes – even if it’s just for a few hours – it’s good for married couples to spend some time apart. For normal couples, jobs will help accomplish this – but sometimes people need a bit more “me time.”  It’s a difficult thing for me and my husband to accomplish sometimes, since he works from home, and we only have one car. Many many times we spend time together, we realize that looking back – that maybe we would’ve been better off if we’d spent that time apart. It doesn’t mean our marriage is doomed, it doesn’t mean we need to hire a divorce lawyer – it just means we’re human.

Right now, my husband and I came up with our own little solution to this little “dilemma” – I’m writing this blog and am watching episodes of Forensic Files on demand. And he’s outside wearing work gloves – and cleaning up gardening pots – emptying the dirt into the woods behind our condo. Lots of studies will show that gardening is a great activity for improving mood – right now the sun is shining, temps are brisk – and he’s got his “grubby clothes” on. I told him “not it” for helping him with this task for two reasons – one we need to have “our time,” and two, I get dirty enough in my job at work! I had a shower this morning, and have on my  regular clothes…let HIM do the dirty work! Later, I might take a walk to the bar, which will give me some exercise, and he can drive and meet me part way.

As for the garden cleanup, I think it will do him some good – and hopefully, help him get rid of some “mental” dirt – or at the very least, make him too tired to think about it! And I’ll get to watch my “Scooby-Doo mysteries for adults!”

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