Every time I happen to wander near a cash register where I work and see the sign asking customers to not use cash or use exact change because of a “national coin shortage” I want to laugh…almost as much as I’d laugh watching one of my favorite movies, UHF, which features a scene where a hobo asks Weird Al for change (but what he really wanted was change for a dollar) ⇓.

Is there really a shortage of coins? No! Of course not. It’s just all…hiding. Where? In couch cushions, coffee mugs, piggy banks, pants pockets, wallets, consoles in cars…trust me – the change IS out there. It’s just…temporarily out of circulation.

What happened was every retailer basically told us that our cash was icky when the plague started to hit! I can’t blame cashiers for not wanting to handle our dirty money (paper and coin currency is kind of gross if you think about the places it’s been – and you don’t want to think too hard). I remember waiting on a customer whom I’d later found out was a male stripper in Windsor,  Ontario Canada (and yes – he paid cash – he bought five pairs of black Levi’s jeans, which I presume he wore to “work”). And yes, I wondered if that cash had been stuffed into his g-string! Do you need me to go on? Oy, we didn’t even keep hand sanitizer near the registers way back then (I probably made a mental note to wash my hands as soon as fucking possible and to – for the love of Pete – NOT touch my face, nose, mouth until doing so). Yes,  I’ve always been a bit germophobic (comes in handy during this plague-ridden days).

I’ve since learned that the all-male exotic…establishment – for which this guy worked – which was called Danny’s – has since been demolished (an article I found online was dated 2013). I am not sure whether they reopened or not… I do have some ideas as to how businesses like these can stay in business during plague times, but that’s another blog topic altogether!

Speaking of dirty money (ahem), I still have $50 birthday cash from my parents that I haven’t spent – and my birthday was almost six months ago! My husband still has cash that was paid to him for doing wedding invitations for a wedding that was canceled because of the plague. But let’s be honest here…

THERE IS NO COIN SHORTAGE!

Now I’m just waiting for some story to come out about treasury agents raiding our houses for our coins – and the shopping carts at Aldi for the quarters. Not much of anything in this country surprises me much anymore…