It’s good to want things, isn’t it? Unless what you want is way out of yours, your loved ones, or even billionaire Elon Musk’s budget. Maybe what you want hasn’t been invented yet. Maybe Build A Bear won’t make you the custom teddy bear you really want (more about that in a bit).
Mariah Carey may have wanted you for Christmas – and whichever greedy whore is singing “Santa Baby” wanted you to hurry down the chimney tonight (ahem). More importantly – what do I want?
My Impossible Xmas Wish List
Just for fun… also some of these things ain’t so hard to find!
- Shower karaoke machine
- My own barbarian outfit with real “ish” weapons to wear to renaissance festivals
- An app that makes all maps in Google look like hand drawn maps like you would see in Tolkien’s “Middle Earth”
- A recliner custom made to accommodate a person with my dimensions
- My own river otter preserve
- A “mini-me”
- A Build a Bear teddy that looks like “The Gimp” from “Pulp Fiction”
- My own lair
- Elon Musk to become Batman
- The complete series of “Sledgehammer” on DVD
- My own Hobbit hole but built for a person my size
- Hover slippers (and hover shoes)
- Channing Tatum to change his name to Tatum Channing
- A pair of Michael Landon’s boots from “Little House on the Prairie” with lifts in them
- A pair of any of the pants John Travolta wore in “Saturday Night Fever”
- My own island
- Disney to acknowledge “Song of the South” AND do a reboot even if it’s really, really inappropriate
- Purple suede gloves
- A hurricane to be named after me (has to be a hurricane, I won’t settle for a tropical storm)
- A whole year off work at triple my pay rate
- Little Debbie “Zebra Cakes”
- A souvenir pen from every single presidential birthplace/museum in the U.S.
- A pet octopus