Random Things I Want For Christmas (That Don’t Exist Or Are Too Expensive)

It’s  good to want things, isn’t  it? Unless  what you want is way out of yours, your  loved  ones, or even billionaire  Elon Musk’s budget. Maybe  what you want hasn’t  been invented  yet.  Maybe Build A Bear won’t  make you the custom teddy bear you really  want (more about that in a bit).

Mariah Carey may have  wanted  you for Christmas – and whichever  greedy  whore is singing  “Santa Baby” wanted  you to hurry down the chimney tonight   (ahem). More importantly  – what do I want?

My Impossible  Xmas Wish List

Just for fun… also some  of these things  ain’t  so hard to find!
  • Shower  karaoke  machine
  • My own barbarian outfit with real  “ish” weapons to wear to renaissance  festivals
  • An app that makes all maps in Google  look like hand drawn maps like you would  see in Tolkien’s “Middle Earth”
  • A recliner  custom made  to accommodate a person  with my dimensions
  • My own river  otter preserve
  • A “mini-me”
  • A Build a Bear teddy that looks  like  “The Gimp” from “Pulp Fiction”
  • My own lair
  • Elon Musk to become Batman
  • The complete series of “Sledgehammer” on DVD
  • My own Hobbit hole but built  for a person my size
  • Hover slippers (and hover shoes)
  • Channing Tatum to change  his name to Tatum Channing
  • A pair  of Michael Landon’s boots from “Little House  on the Prairie” with lifts in them
  • A pair of any of the pants  John  Travolta wore in “Saturday Night Fever”
  • My own island
  • Disney to acknowledge  “Song of the South” AND do a reboot even if it’s  really, really inappropriate
  • Purple suede gloves
  • A hurricane to be named after me (has to be a hurricane, I won’t  settle  for  a  tropical storm)
  • A whole  year off work at triple my pay rate
  • Little Debbie “Zebra Cakes”
  • A souvenir  pen from every single presidential birthplace/museum in the U.S.
  • A pet octopus

 

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