Let’s Go to the Water Park!

My husband and I paid a visit to a local water park last night. We wanted to take advantage of a couple of things – one, cheaper rates after 5 p.m. ($2 off admission fees per person) – and lighter crowds. We knew we’d only be spending a couple of hours tops goofing off there, so it worked out well that the park was only open until 7 p.m.


Aerial view of Rolling Hills

I didn’t take any pictures of the water park adventures. Why? Because I was IN the water – and didn’t want to bring my 7-inch Samsung Galaxy tablet along for the ride! My jaw dropped when I saw a woman using her phone while in the “lazy river” with her child in a double-occupancy tube. She was taking selfie…after selfie…after selfie. When I told my husband, “Hey, that woman over there brought her phone into the lazy river,” he said, “I hope she drops it in the water.” Perhaps that would have been an appropriate punishment for her vanity – not unlike the serial killer from Se7en who targeted folks based on the seven deadly sins?

Though she might have trouble retrieving her phone if she dropped it because of the lazy river’s “current” (more about that current in a bit, it’s an important plot point), her phone just might survive the watery adventure. I have recently heard stories about some cell phones surviving unexpected trips into kiddie pools and other watery places. Sadly, my “dumb phone” did not survive a recent trip through a front-loading washing machine). I even tried drying it out in rice, but nope – it was time for a new phone. It certainly would’ve been fun to see this woman trying to chase after her phone in the pool!

There are other reasons for not bringing cameras/phones into water parks. Let’s be realistic – unless you’re Elle Macpherson on the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition cover in  1986, you’re probably not going to be very attractive in your swimming gear! Here is the only recent shot of me in my swimming gear, from 2018:


Me doing my best octopus impression at Brighton Recreation Area

At a water park, your eyes might be slightly bloodshot from getting water in them from the  lazy river’s waterfalls, your swimsuit might be riding up, and your hair’s probably all wet. And not in an attractive “wet look” kind of way. You’re probably not going to look like this at the water park:


I didn’t see anyone looking like her at the water park. Though there may have been some boob-related wardrobe malfunctions (the wave pool and water tube friction can kind of shift things around, lol). Yeah, Elle Macpherson – let’s see how that swimsuit would hold up on a trip down the water slide – or a dip in the wave pool (yeah, guys – I know you ALL want to see that video)!

Our first order of business was to get into the wave pool, which goes from zero depth – to about 6 foot 2 inches deep. I’m a tall person, so I always like to get into a tube and go out to where I can’t touch the bottom (which means I have to go into the deepest reaches of the pool). Since it was a weekday and late in the day there was actually plenty of room to move around, and find “your” spot in the water in which to bob around doing the water’s bidding. It’s a pleasant way to lose control for a bit – if nothing else. It’s not exactly the same as taking a ride in one of the Great Lakes, but it will do in a pinch!

Another way to let the water have its way with you at the water park is the lazy river:


The lazy river has a fake “current” that forces you to go in a certain direction. At Rolling Hills, you can choose the “extra water, please” way – which involves water-dumping devices along the route- or the “no extra water” route. We chose the “extra water, please” route (vis a vis the bloodshot eyes I got later on). I chose to “ride” the tube rather than wear the tube since the lazy river isn’t too deep – and I don’t like my feet dragging on the bottom. Stretching myself out vertically on the tube allowed optimal “projection” through the water, as I would learn.

After about three or four trips down the “river,” we planned to get out. But a little girl struggling to get out of the river stymied my plans – I helped push her along to the exit where she was trying to go – and in the meantime, I got sucked into the current and forced down the river again. Was this a little taste of parenting? No good deed goes unpunished?

“See you later, Heb,” my husband said, who was getting out.

Oh the torture! Taking another trip in the river! 🙂

One of the highlights of the water park visit was standing under the water dumping devices by the entrance to the wave pool. The force of water beating down on the neck and shoulders was quite nice – kind of like a massage! Only a stout German masseuse (most likely named Helga or Greta) could do much better than those jets of water…

My first trip to a water park was in 1981, and it was on a family trip to Florida. As a 9-year-old? I thought it was the BEST THING EVER! Much more fun than the trip to Walt Disney World…



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