I’ve Said Things Tonya Harding Only WISHES She’d Said!

Random  fact I  uncovered this morning involves the 2017 film I Tonya, which chronicles the rise and fall of Olympic figure skater Tonya Harding. I’d embarked on a a random image search (I was curious as to how they’d managed to “hag up” hot Australian actress Margot Robbie for the Harding role) and found this glorious little meme:


In the movie I Tonya, Ms. Harding (played by Robbie)  said this to a judge after being told that her skating outfit wasn’t appropriate.  But in reality, Harding didn’t really say this to a skating judge – but when the real Tonya Harding saw a screening of the film, she reportedly said that she’d WISHED she’d said it!

Rewind to 1990, when it was a summer night after dark – and my friends Michelle, Wendy and Bill and I were all just chilling on the pool deck at my house. I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but something Bill had said to me prompted me to say what Tonya Harding only wishes she’d said to that skating judge:

Oh yeah? Suck my dick!

And Bill’s quick response was priceless, and still talked about to this day:

Sprout one – and I will!

I’d love to say that was the most recent time I’d ever uttered those profane words – but it isn’t! But this was the only time I’d ever said these words and gotten this kind of response!


Bill, Wendy and I at Cedar Point in 1990, which was part of our celebration of graduating high school (though Bill would not graduate until the following year). Michelle was unable to attend this trip because of recovering from having a brain tumor removed. Uh, I’m the one in the back…pro tip – NEVER wear new shoes on a trip to an amusement park (oh the blisters)!

Bill and I were always “just friends” in high school, but in classic rom-com form, he apparently wanted…something more (he wanted to be my prom date and though he was never really overt about it with me, my friends told me that he had a crush on me). Nothing romantic ever developed between us. The most recent time I saw him was in 2016 (or 2017), and he joined us for a trivia game at the Heidelberg in Ann Arbor and stayed overnight for one night. After high school, he joined the U.S. Navy, and while serving on the Japanese island of Okinawa he met his future wife at a beer drinking contest (not making this up). They’re still married and have had two sons, and he’s currently residing in California. He used to drift-race cars as a hobby, unsure if he’s doing that anymore. I remember he used to have a Nintendo video game system, and somehow managed to figure out how to use a VCR to record game footage (just to prove to one of my other friends that he’d reached a certain game level).  Such technology prowess for the late 1980s!

Maybe I’ll have to see I Tonya now!


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