Today is “Opening Day” for the Detroit Tigers, which is the closest MLB team to where I live. I have never been to an “opening day” baseball game, and the last time I attended a baseball game was a Toledo Mud Hens game in 2009. While I might dislike that there aren’t any cheerleaders in baseball, I’d have to say it’s a great excuse for day drinking, it’s kind of fun to watch live (especially if you’ve been day drinking), and you can be kind of obnoxious in the stands and nobody seems to care. I like to yell, “swing batter,” like Alan Ruck in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, when they were at a Cubs game. Baseball bats are kind of cool – they can be made of metal or wood, and they also make nice bludgeoning weapons in a pinch (I’m a big fan of multitasking items that can do more than one job).

This photo is PROOF that I’m “straight outta trailer!” Circa 1973-1974.

I have a deep appreciation for baseball, anyway – and its pervasiveness in pop culture. With all of that said…

Some Great Baseball-Related Movie Quotes

Note: Some of these quotes may have only a tenuous connection to baseball…

Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid

Sorry, I’m a butler – not a catcher.

The Naked Gun – From the Files of Police Squad

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.

Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.

Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?

Frank: I used to have that problem.

Jane: What did you do about it?

Frank: I just think about baseball.

Robocop (1987)

The Tigers are playing…

[slaps the table]

 …tonight. I never miss a game.

There’s Something About Mary

Have you seen my baseball?

Moneyball

 It’s hard not to be romantic about baseball. This kind of thing, it’s fun for the fans. It sells tickets and hot dogs. Doesn’t mean anything.

The Bad News Bears (1976)

Hey pusshead! Are you crazy? An intentional walk with the bases empty? This is baseball, not backgammon!

The Bad News Bears (2005)

Baseball’s hard, guys. I mean, it really is. You can love it but, believe me, it don’t always love you back. It’s kind of like dating a German chick, you know?

A League of Their Own

There’s no crying in baseball.