It’s Been More Than Six Months…It’s Time For A Haircut (Whine…Do I GOTTA?)

Anyone remember that episode of The Simpsons where Mr. Burns decides he wants to stack his company softball team with MLB “ringers?” Don Mattingly is one of those ringers – and winds up  getting incessantly hounded to…get a haircut by Mr. Burns. He winds up sporting a mohawk in the end – in an attempt to get Mr. Burns to stop hounding him (though that doesn’t work).


 Six-time American League All-Star Don Mattingly has won nine Gold Glove Awards (an American League record for a first baseman), three Silver Slugger Awards, the 1984 AL batting title, and was the 1985 AL Most Valuable Player. Mattingly served as captain of the Yankees from 1991 through 1995, when he retired as a player. The Yankees later retired Mattingly’s uniform number, 23. Mattingly is the only Yankee to have his number retired without having won a World Series with the team. In this Simpsons episode, he got off fairly easy compared to the other “ringers” Burns used for his team (Mattingly was fired for not shaving his sideburns).

For some strange reason, I was reminded of this episode and Burns’ taunting of Mattlingly for “invisible” transgressions of I went on a rather desperate quest after work today for a rubber band for the purposes of pulling my hair back into a pony tail. That’s my current “benchmark” for when it’s high time to get a haircut – is when I have just enough hair to pull back into a ponytail. Even if that amount of hair I pull back is invisible to the untrained eye.

Truth be told – it’s actually a very itty- bitty ponytail! It’s about an inch long – but it’s as annoying to me as Mattingly’s “invisible sideburns” were to Mr. Burns! Having ANY hair grazing my collar just doesn’t jibe with my “active” lifestyle, so it’s… time for a haircut. I’ve been kind of putting it off for one major reason – and that’s because Heidi, the woman who had been cutting my hair since the spring of 2016 – has since moved to Florida. So I have to (groan) find someone else to cut my hair! Heidi has recommended a gay guy named Douglas to do my haircut…maybe I’ll give him a try!


This is the length I like my hair to be… (Virginia Beach, October, 2017). The smile is totally genuine – it was only the THIRD time in my life I’d ever seen an ocean! Did you know that Virginia Beach is Virginia’s most populous city (of COURSE you did)!


This is my (uncombed, post-work) hair with more than six months’ growth since my last haircut. It’s getting to be way too much “work” to deal with those Don Mattingly-inspired “sideburns” (LOL)!

I am NOT looking forward having to “play nice” with someone new cutting my hair! I absolutely hate the idle chatter…someone invariably asking if I have kids, if I have pets, yada yada.  Heidi and I had a pretty good thing going for a while – she was from Northern MI, and was kind of “outdoorsy” like me.  She talked quite a bit about the Garylord and Alpena, MI areas (she was an Alpena native) – her favorite bars, etc. We even met outside of work a couple of times for drinks..sigh.. I FINALLY found someone I liked –  who also cut my hair the way I liked it – and she moves away!

Is it really that unfeasible to just buy a plane ticket to Florida so that Heidi can still do my haircut?  (JK)?



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