“Commandments” of Costco Shopping

I may not be a fast runner, but there are few humans who can keep up with – let alone exceed my “ground pace” when I’m walking, especially in a mall or store. Today I put those skills to work in full force at Costco!

It all started while my husband and I were in line to get gas. A rather…long line – but at $2.57 gallon, it was WELL worth the wait! After sitting there for a few minutes, I decided it would be more “efficient” if he gassed up the car – and I got a head start on shopping. So I marched across the parking lot…in the rain, and headed toward the very, very busy store. Remind me never to shop at Costco on a weekend again if I can help it (duly noted)!

I was only going to grab three things – coffee, dish soap, and vodka (rest assured I had no plans to consume all three of those things at once, LOL). I slalomed quite well through quite a labyrinth of shoppers, doing quite well maneuvering in between them. I was doing my best imitation of that woman from Run Lola Run through the store, though I… wasn’t running. If navigating a busy store full of customers were an Olympic event, I’d have been in contention for a gold medal!

And so I encountered major obstacles until I headed down one of the snack aisles – I was making a beeline for the entrance, where I would meet my husband after he got gas. Just as I was going to clear the snack aisle, a woman pushed her cart right up and blocked me. She was getting a sample of some food item for her toddler at the end of the aisle. So I stood there for a second and waited to see if she would move before I would have to (the horror) say anything. She commented, “Looks like we’re going to get run over,” looking at me. I said, “No, I’m stopped. I’m just trying to meet my husband at the entrance. Then she said something catty that I didn’t quite hear after I finally cleared the roadblock. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill anyone,” I said to her.

Clearly, she broke one of the “commandments” of shopping, which is “Thou Shalt Not Block The Aisle.”

I talked to my husband about this, and he had a hilarious take on it and a possible “script” for me to say to this woman.

“How would you like me to counter your microaggression with some REAL aggression?”

What are some of the other “commandments” of Costco shopping? I’ve already listed #1, here are some others…

Costco Shopping Commandment #2:

Thou Shalt Not Approach the Entrance Without Having Membership Card Ready

Costco Shopping Commandment #3:

Thou Shalt Not Open Merchandise To Sample It And Then Not Buy It

I realized the first bag of coffee I grabbed was opened – but didn’t notice that until we were at the checkout. So I had to do another “lap” to the coffee aisle to grab an unopened one.

We talked about this a bit with the people who were at the checkout…the cashier speculated someone was trying to “smell” the coffee. Which she said was puzzling – opening the whole bag wasn’t necessary – the coffee bag had a little vent hole that would allow “smellage” if customers desired.

“I like the smell of coffee, too – but I can wait until I’m home and drinking it first,” I said.

This prompted her and the other guy at the checkout to vent a bit about customers who open packages and don’t buy them. Being a seasoned retail jockey myself, I had my own gripes…

“And what about those people who open packages of underwear so they can “feel” them,” I said. And the male Costco employee gave me “that look.” It’s hard to describe, but can best be described as an “I get you”  look. I could tell he knew EXACTLY what I was talking about! In that brief moment, we were a brother and sister in arms – both seasoned veterans of retail service sharing a nanosecond of camaraderie.

And those are all of the “commandments” I have for now!  All cart-blocking transgressions at grocery stores PALED in comparison to what I witnessed on M-14 in Ann Arbor on my way home – a semi was jacknifed, and essentially blocking a REALLY big “aisle” for the poor hapless drivers! We knew something was up when we saw NO cars in the opposing lanes except for a wrecker going in the opposite direction (this didn’t look like any kind of a fatal accident). So relieved we weren’t going in that direction – it goes to show you – don’t sweat the small stuff!

 

 

 

 

 

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