One of my female Facebook friends who also works as a trivia host on Saturday nights published a very disturbing post early this morning. From what I can gather, after the trivia game last night, she was acting as a DJ and taking music requests from people hanging out in the bar/restaurant. She indicated in her post that one of the guys requesting songs forced her hand on his crotch – twice – despite her protests. And this happened after all of the other customers had left, so that she and him – and bar/restaurant staff – were the only ones remaining in the room.
Her FB friends have obviously reacted quite voraciously to her post, with the overwhelming sentiments being sympathy and people encouraging her to report the incident. She stated that despite a similar incident happening during a trivia game years ago, she does not wish to report the incident.
Though I have read all of the comments up until this point, I have decided not to chime in with any comments on this post. But my inquiring mind would like to know the whole story. Nothing happens in a vacuum. What gave the guy the idea that even touching her was OK? I’m certainly not going as far as saying “she asked for it.” I can’t say that, because I just don’t know. But I have a feeling there’s a story she’s not sharing.
If such a thing happened to me, I would do everything in my power to NOT be a victim! Funny story, a couple of years ago, I was out for a trivia game with a couple of other women, and afterward I said I was going to just walk to a nearby bar to meet my husband (it was a very nice night and only about a half-mile walk). One of the women was incredulous! She said to me, “No – you are going to be raped if you do that.” The other woman chimed in and said of me, “I have a feeling she would probably put up some kind of fight.” I said, “Yeah, I fight like a cornered rat.” We had a good laugh about it, but to ease the woman’s rampant anxiety, I let her drop me off at the bar! I’m not saying that I will never be a victim of crime just because I “fight like a cornered rat.” But I do understand that sometimes it’s just not enough to say “no.” Some situations require a bit of force/ violence. Fingers can be manipulated/twisted (I learned some tricks for this in a martial arts class many moons ago). Sensitive body parts with multiple nerve endings can have pain inflicted upon them with the hands. Certain body parts can be quite vulnerable to very simple strikes (Adam’s apples, throats, noses, etc.) and at least gain you a little escape time if used efficiently while your “victim” smarts, cringes in pain, what have you. Simple objects can turn into makeshift weapons in a pinch (keys, ballpoint pens, for example, which she likely had on hand from hosting trivia earlier that evening). Even fingernails can do a bit of damage. It’s hard to take sides in a story when I don’t know the whole story. But I will go on record as saying that what this guy did, if done as she described, was completely inappropriate and illegal. It’s never OK to intimately touch someone you don’t know without their permission. If it happened exactly as she described, it’s second-degree criminal sexual conduct (intentional touching of intimate parts or clothing covering intimate parts, for the purpose of sexual arousal or gratification). But if she’s not reporting it, this guy will not face up to 15 years imprisonment for it – unless he does it again and is convicted for doing it. Being slapped with the title “sex offender” is akin to the “Scarlet Letter” of today. Ugh…who wants to go door-to-door and tell their neighbors that they’re a pervert?
The fact that it was her own hand touching his “junk,” if you will, does kind of make this kind of dicey. Since it sounds like there weren’t a lot of other people around, this could be a tough case to prove in court. If this is a “her word against his” thing, I guess I can understand why she doesn’t want to come forward. Again, I just don’t know all of the details. I don’t know how much she and him had to drink (again, again…I don’t want to tread into “she asked for it” territory). But let’s face it. Booze can – and will be a factor exacerbating situations like these (believe me…I’ve been there). I had a drunken male co-worker feel up my clothed leg in car many, many moons ago (both of us were drunk, I was only slightly less drunk, which is why I was driving). He apologized profusely the next day…he knew he’d crossed the line.
I just can’t help thinking that this incident could have been prevented somehow, or at least have been mitigated somewhat before it escalated. I have no idea how these two were interacting with each other before this happened, either. And the fact she’s not reporting the incident to either the restaurant/bar management or to the police is quite suspicious to me. I hope she reconsiders her decision to do something about what happened.