So Apple Inc. has unleashed a fabulous new app that gives them an excuse to show even MORE dancing humans in their commercials. And that is Face ID, which was announced as a bell and whistle to go along with iPhoneX, which debuted September 12, 2017. I remember what I was doing that day…and that was taking pictures of people in line at the mall to buy this thing while I was on my lunch break!
Without further ado, here are some of my dumb questions for Apple:
- I have an evil identical twin who is always trying to steal my phone. Will Face ID be able to differentiate between my face and hers?
- I work part-time as a vigilante superhero and use a full face mask (similar to Deadpool’s). Will I be able to use an image of my “superhero” persona and my “alter ego” persona with Face ID?
- When I’m not trying to keep my evil twin from using my phone and working as a a vigilante, I also enjoy deep cave spelunking. Will Face ID work in the darkest depths of a cave in pitch darkness?
- Let’s say I’m in a “surreptitious” environment (hello, part-time superhero here) which requires I keep my electronic devices hidden, though I still might need to send a “ping” to my trusty sidekick. You know, like being interrogated by my evil twin (whom happens to be a supervillain). Will I be able to override Face ID in these instances so I can unlock my phone and call for help?
- If I ever get the ability to shape-shift (like that bitch Mystique in X-Men….SO jealous), will this affect how Face ID works on my iPhone?
- My vigilante shenanigans have caused me to have to turn state’s evidence against my evil identical twin and now I have to go into witness protection, which requires I get full facial reconstructive surgery. Is it possible to change my digital facial map, or do I have to wait for the next iPhone to come out?
- Will I be able to gradually update face recognition over time? I ask, because I decided to experiment with my teleporter to pass the time while in witness protection. Now I am slowly turning into an ant/human hybrid. How is Apple going to be able to help me (hint…this is an SOS….PLEASE help me)!