We had this question in our trivia game last night: What is the name of the TV character who has been in the longest-running prime-time scripted non-animated series?
Yup, we drew a total blank, and when the answer was revealed, it became apparent that we just don’t have the right TV brains in the mix on our trivia team! My husband was watching a series a while back called Con Man, which is kind of a semi-autobiographical comedic series featuring actors Nathan Fillion and Alan Tudyk, whom are best known for starring in the short-lived series Firefly. Both of them play actors on the series who are trying to get out of their respective typecasted “molds.” One of the running jokes is that the two characters are both trying to get roles on a TV series named Doctor Cop Lawyer. Which is about a doctor, a cop and a lawyer all rolled up into one person. Since we learned about this, we now jokingly call all TV series about doctors, cops, or lawyers “doctor cop lawyer shows.”
To view a parody of this (which pre-dates the Con Man series…but is absolutely f—ing hilarious…seriously…I died laughing while I watched this earlier) click here
Let’s talk about a job description, shall we? The ideal candidate should meet or exceed the following requirements:
A Family Guy parody of Homicide: Life on the Streets.
- Be a die-hard worshiper of Steven Bochco – providing photos of the shrine you have set up for Steven Bochco in your home is acceptable, including but not limited to oil paintings of Dennis Franz in various nude poses. If you have a T-shirt with Dennis Franz’ face printed on it, that is also acceptable. Humming the theme songs of any series produced by Bochco is an added bonus.
- Summon Mariska Hargitay by saying her name three times while looking in the bathroom mirror. Video evidence of successfully summoning Ms. Hargitay in this fashion is acceptable.
- Have watched at least 80 percent or more of the episodes of the following series: Hill Street Blues, L.A. Law, NYPD Blue, Cop Rock (we really appreciate cultural diversity on our trivia team, so yes…you must watch some episodes of Cop Rock to get this gig, though we no longer require singing auditions to become a member of our team), Doogie Howser, M.D., Law and Order (including all of its spinoffs), House, Grey’s Anatomy, Matlock, CSI (and all its spinoffs), NCIS (plus spinoffs), Diagnosis Murder, Scrubs, Barney Miller, Ally McBeal, Night Court, Homicide: Life on the Streets, Magnum P.I., Starsky and Hutch, The Rockford Files, McMillan and Wife, Mary Tyler Moore Mysteries and any other show I might have forgotten that focuses on the lives of doctors, cops and lawyers and any combination thereof. And I just made up that last show just to see if you were paying attention! Though I do wish that was a real series! And just to prove that you’re not a robot, it will help immensely to watch at least an episode or two of both Sledge Hammer and Police Squad. You can probably find old episodes on YouTube. We’re a pretty goofy trivia team, and we appreciate slapstick humor. It’s pretty much a guarantee these series will never, ever get asked about, but it will help you be in on some of our “in jokes” at the very least! If you would rather watch a more modern show in a similar vein? How about Angie Tribeca?
- Be able to demonstrate a “good cop/bad cop” routine using action figures of our choosing
- Perform a spot-on impression of Dennis Franz’ Andy Sipowicz’ character from NYPD Blue (nudity optional)
- Perform pretend CPR on a random unwitting subject of our choosing
- Meet with a member of our trivia team and pretend you’re a lawyer and they’re a hostile witness
- Know which of the following series mentioned above (and any I might have missed) that won Emmy awards. You know…that kind of boring crap.
You’ll receive a sound pat on the back from all of us for knowing anything about any TV shows we don’t watch! We’ll also share in any gift card/gift certificate/tournament prize money won on the strength of coming through on answers about this stuff. You’ll also get a free yo-yo.
So How Do I Apply?
You do know this is all just a joke, don’t you? Thanks for taking precious time away from watching old episodes of McMillan and Wife!