I’m Not Perky…But I Want To Be! Also Random Thoughts About Czars, Inbreeding, The Periodic Table, Etc…

I had to call off work today because I reignited an “old ankle injury” last night while on a mundane walk in a parking lot. I…failed my dexterity check. As a result, I’m not feeling too perky today!


If it were not for two long “have to be there or call in dead” shifts at the end of my workweek this week (Thanksgiving and Black Friday) I’d probably have  showed up today and powered through it. But I would kind of like to be walking better on those long shifts, and…I ain’t getting any younger. I have a job that requires I be moderately active and on my feet, so if I can’t meet those requirements, I have to “call off.”

So how did I spend today? I drew a  Periodic Table of Elements on graph paper! It’s a “rough draft,” so I’m not going to take a photo of my handiwork until (possibly) when it’s ALL done! What I will show all of you is a “joke” Periodic Table that was in the book Science Made Stupid by Tom Weller.


Who’s with me? Velveeta totally belongs on the Periodic Table of Elements!

If I were a chemistry teacher, I would require students to make their own Periodic Table of Elements – by hand. Hand-drawn, no fancy computer graphics. It’s a great way to gain a real appreciation for the work of Dmitri Mendeleev (seriously how cool are Russian dude names – Nikolai, Dmitri, Alexei…).


Nicholas II, the last Russian czar

No wonder Queen Victoria’s granddaughter Alex lost her romantic shit for Nicholas II (pssst – it was the accent, I’m sure). Yes, we all know their relationship was ultimately doomed because of those pesky Bolsheviks who gunned down the whole family in 1917, but I’ll bet she had a real “thing” for the whole ‘Czar package” – the beard, the accent, the supreme power, his mad skills at making borscht, his impressive collection of stacking dolls – maybe he was super bossy and felt all egotistical being emperor and all (ahem)! Maybe she liked to say, “Oh HIT me, Nicholas!” Were they into S&M? Well, obviously they were into mysticism, since they tried to hire Rasputin to cure little Alexei’s hemophilia. Uh, guys…a nice clean gene pool is the only thing that will cure him of THAT #dontscrewyourcloserelativesnomatterhowcutetheyare

If I’m not walking significantly better Wednesday, I’ll call off again – though I definitely plan to show up Thursday and Friday.

What I’m NOT going to call off doing – is trivia Wednesday night! We’ll be doing a game at our old stomping grounds, Arbor Brewing Company Microbrewery (aka Corner Brewery).



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