(FOR ADULT READERS ONLY) – What If The World’s Oldest Profession Wanted In On The “Delivery” Game?

Editor’s note: This blog is for adult readers only. It will contain references to blow jobs, anal sex, double teaming, sadomasochism and other stuff that might make you feel all icky inside. Then again, you might really enjoy it (hey it’s still sort of a free country). Do not read if you’re easily offended. 

Having food delivered to your doorstep seems to be a big “thing” these days, with apps such as Grubhub, Doordash, UberEats – among others – being downloaded to people’s phones and mobile devices even faster than Jimmy John’s claims to be at making sandwiches. I’m not exactly sure WHY someone would want lukewarm Taco Bell food delivered to them, but I guess I’m just not “hip” enough to be jumping on this bandwagon.

What I find most amusing about these food delivery apps are the complaints I read about from customers. Orders being wrong, food being delivered too late, delivery drivers being stoned, the company not refunding money, etc.

Now what if…what if there were “apps” for having “sex services” delivered to your door? I’m pretty sure that’s probably already a “thing,” but what would the complaints about THOSE services be like? Allow me to go into Creativeland a bit here and pretend that “Whoredash” is an actual app (which it probably is, LOL)…


On The Simpsons, Springfield residents could pay a visit to La Maison Derriere when they wanted a burlesque show or to just bang a hooker in exchange for some cash.

What Would “Whoredash” Complaints Be Like? 

I specifically requested “Sailor Moon” Asian schoolgirl and got an S&M mistress of pain instead…

My order specified Richard Gere from Officer and and a Gentleman and I got some reject from HMS Pinafore…


She flat out refused to do anal…

I’m in the VIP club and was supposed to get a free upgrade to “high class call girl,” but they sent someone who was clearly a truck stop “lizard.” Also refused to refund my money.

Her chipped teeth really did a number on me when she gave me head. I’m going to send a copy of my medical bill to you guys…


I was supposed to get two whores delivered as a “Two For Tuesday” special but they only sent one. Ruined the night for me and my buddy on his birthday though we did do a damn good double team on her.


I’ve had sloppy seconds before, but when I f—ed her, I was definitely getting sloppy sevenths. Please ask your girls to take a “whore’s bath” at the very least if they don’t have time to take a shower between Johns. Also reapply deodorant in between jobs. Cleanliness next to godliness.

My whore was supposed to be “barely legal” but looked to be pushing 40. Still waiting for my refund.


She tied me up, burned me with her cigarette and gagged me like I requested but then just stole my wallet and left me like that. I’m pretty sure this is now a police matter….




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