Editor’s note: This blog contains profanity. Do not read if you’re offended by profanity.
“Mother’s Day” is Sunday, May 12. It’s a pretty big deal in the retail biz – with sales of clothing, jewelry, accessories, greeting cards and sweet treats helping countless businesses rake in higher than normal profits. It’s a big deal in the service industry, too – anyone who works in the restaurant biz is not likely to be able to take Sunday off from work!
Sales of Mother’s Day cards rank third in overall sales behind Christmas and Valentine’s Day cards, according to the Greeting Card Association. Learn more fascinating greeting card facts by clicking here.
Is your mom or wife a fan of sweets? Cupcakes will never disappoint!
As for me? My mom is relatively unmaterialistic – but has a sweet tooth. So I’ll be buying her some fancy cupcakes. Why am I not baking them myself? Because SHE’S a good baker – I am not – some things are… best left to the pros! We’re also going to be seeing the movie Tolkien. I have no idea how well reviewed the movie is, or how it’s doing at the box office, but none of that matters. All that matters is my mom is a HUGE J.R.R. Tolkien fan and there is NO way I’m not going to be watching that movie with her! She used to lull me to sleep as a kid when she would read The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings to me. Her power is all in her soothing voice! But I was awake when she read the line, “Run naked on the grass, while Tom goes a-hunting!” This was part of the whole Tom Bombadil sequence, which did not appear in the films. Of COURSE I was going to have a giggle over a line like that!
Maybe you’ve already made your Mother’s Day plans with your mother, your wife, stepmother or other maternal figure. Maybe you are a mom – and will have goodies lavished upon you – or your kids will try to serve you breakfast that they cooked themselves to you in bed (it will probably suck and you’ll be stuck cleaning up the mess)! Perhaps you’ve bought mom a bauble – booked her some spa time, or made a restaurant reservation. What else can you do for YOUR own entertainment on Mother’s Day? Here are some suggestions:
Oddball Things You Can Do In Honor of Mother’s Day
- Watch Mommie Dearest while consuming drinks with a raspberry theme. Why? It’s a Golden Raspberry Award winner! Watch it – and you’ll learn why!
- Look up a video montage of Samuel L. Jackson involving his saying the word “motherfucker.” Pssst don’t watch it around your own mother (unless she’s super cool)! I’ll make it easy – just go here.
- Make up your own lyrics to Pink Floyd’s song Mother. Or just listen to it while stoned.
- Play the Throw Momma From the Train drinking game. Take a drink whenever Anne Ramsay is abusive to Danny DeVito or yells “Owen!”
- Make a duct tape wallet and write “Bad Mother Fucker” on it with a permanent marker. Use brown duct tape to make it look more like Jules’ wallet in Pulp Fiction.
- Do your most creepy imitation of Anthony Perkins from Psycho (see above photo) and tell your own mother – “A boy’s best friend is his mother.”
- Watch the Ruprecht scene from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Don’t stop until you’ve seen the part where Steve Martin says “Not mother?” View it here.
- When you’re driving to your mom’s house, sing Ozzy Osbourne’s “Mama I’m coming home” at the top of your lungs.
- Make a list of your favorite moms from television.
- Watch the Mother’s Day episode of Futurama and watch a bunch of robots running amok.