Editor’s note: What you are about to read is pure fiction. None of these facts you are about to read are true. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to pretend these are real facts – tell them to others – and see if anyone else believes you! Elaborate on all of these at will… What better day of the year to spout off “alternative facts” in a bar than St. Patrick’s Day? Have fun…
The Color “Prussian Blue” Was Based on Prussian Chicken Feathers
Up until the great Prussian chicken extinction of 1934, Prussia was the world’s biggest exporter of Prussian blue dyes, which were extracted from Prussian chicken feathers. Sadly, the glorious blue birds all died out by 1934, thanks partially to a mass epidemic of Prussian chicken flu (and mass slaughtering because of their gorgeous feathers). Now, Prussian blue crayons have gone the way of the poor Prussian blue chickens and have been renamed “midnight blue”…
River Phoenix’s Death Was a Boon For Keanu Reeves’ Movie Career
Had River Phoenix not died suddenly of a drug overdose in 1993, he would have gotten a good number of the movie roles that eventually went to Keanu Reeves instead. Phoenix would have starred in the franchises Speed and The Matrix had he not died.
“Polarussia” Was A Real Country For A Short Time
See that little “nib” jutting out from Belarus into Poland? That used to be a short-lived country called “Polarussia.” The land eventually was ceded to Belarus as a result of the great Belarussian War of 1939, which nobody noticed because of another more important event going on at the same time (German invasion of Poland). There are still some people living there speaking a strange language that is a hybrid of Polish and Russian (Polarussian).
Behind Every Man Is A No-Good Half/Step Brother
Just like Bill Clinton had Roger Clinton (pictured above), and Jimmy Carter had Billy Carter…EVERY man has a no-good half or step brother out there somewhere. He just might not have had a chance to meet him yet. And maybe YOU’RE the no-good half/step brother! You’re not likely to ever meet your no-good half/step brother, unless you decide to run for political office, then he will invariably pop out of the woodwork unannounced. What would YOUR no-good half/step brother be like?
These are all I have for now! I will try compiling some of my favorite “alternative facts” and will be sharing them here!