So how cold is it, anyway?

We’ve had kind of a “cold snap” in the Midwest for the past couple of weeks. Single-digit temperatures, heavy snows, yeah, it’s winter, we all know the routine! I could bore y’all with the gory details like daily temperatures, the number of inches of snowfall we’ve had, yada yada, but it’s FAR more fun for me to do a lame attempt at satire!

So how cold IS it?

It’s SO cold, that…

Doing the dishes is a wonderful opportunity to warm up my hands.

It’s SO cold, that…

That sleazoid guy singer in “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is sounding mighty, mighty tempting…maybe I WOULD rather stay in a house with Mr. Date Rape/Rufie Colada Mixologist extraordinaire than bear the frigid temps! Baby, it really is cold outside, I’ll just stay in your house,  and pass out, and you can do whatever to me – as long as it’s nice and warm in your house!

It’s SO cold, that…

My Tauntaun really did freeze before the first marker. Sorry, I just HAD to throw in something about Star Wars.


It’s SO cold, that…

You worry about leaving a bottle of hard liquor in the car in case it freezes – though you want it to freeze just enough to taste really, really awesome.

It’s SO cold, that…

You have to bundle up like a kid in “A Christmas Story” just to go out to your car in an attached garage.


Snow pants? Check! Down coat? Check! Wind-resistant soft-shell jacket? Check! Scarf? Check! Wool hat? Check! Snowmobile-grade gloves? Check! Boots rated to -40? Check! Now I’m ready to go to the car, lol! Here I am at a local bar in 2012 that offered happy hour prices on beer to anyone willing to sit outside and drink it. This is a great ensemble to wear to a winter beer festival, BTW! These snow pants zip all the way down both sides of the legs so they’re super easy to take off – and put on.

It’s SO cold, that…

Seeing an Abominable Snowman doesn’t even faze you.


I will hug you, and squeeze you, and call you George…Looney Tunes’ delightful take on Of Mice and Men.

It’s SO cold, that…

The yetis in our back yard are spooning for warmth.


Exclaimed in the voice of Harley Quinn from Batman: The Animated Series, “It’s a snow monster, Mr. J!”

It’s SO cold, that…

You do this to your snow-covered car. That you were foolish enough to NOT park in the garage, even though you JUST CLEANED IT UP! Seriously…why did you not notice it was snowing? Hey, it was a fun social media op!


I honestly can’t remember what we used for the eyes, but that is a Frisbee nose.

It’s SO cold, that…

You identify with Homer Simpson in that episode where he skips church.


That’s how I felt this morning before I had to go to work!




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.