Red Snow (2021) – AKA “More Blood, Less Pants”

My husband and I have been trying to seek out good holiday horror movies to watch, now that weather is starting to get colder in Southeast Michigan, and we’ll likely spend more nights at home.

Just last night, we found a real gem – Red Snow, released in 2021 and starring…probably nobody you ever heard of! If you’re going to search for this movie, be sure to include the release year, as there are other movies out there with the same title.

The story focuses on actor Dennice Cisneros playing struggling vampire romance author Olivia Romo, who lives in her deceased mother’s Lake Tahoe cabin. Feeling distraught from receiving a rejection letter from Simon & Schuster, she tries settling in for a cold winter’s night. After hearing a noise outside, she finds an injured bat outside the cabin, brings it into the garage and nurses it to health. The next morning? Bam, it’s a vampire! And he looks exactly like this:

Just kidding! The vamp actually looks a bit like a younger Leonardo Di Caprio. I found myself crushing on him just a little bit! Though I used to hate Leo when he was a younger actor – I watched Titanic just to watch him drown. He would redeem himself in my mind with his later roles, which means that he and I both grew up! But this blog isn’t about that, is it?

It’s while Luke the vampire in Olivia’s garage – is being fed pig’s blood from a local butcher shop – that some of the real comedy begins. She trots out a box of her mother’s old clothes – including a shirt with “#1 Mom” printed on it – an old fur coat, and a sleeveless pink taffeta dress (all of which the vampire humorously wears). And she offers to go to a store to buy him some real clothes, including…a pair of pants, maybe?

His response?

No pants…blood!

Luke the vampire, who lives in Olivia’s garage

My husband, whom was sitting right next to me while we’re watching this – said out loud “More blood, less pants.” That was kind of inside joke with us, since back in the pre-pandemic days, we used to frequently play against a trivia team who called themselves More Beer Less Pants! Just like we don’t forget some of our old trivia rivals, you’re certainly not going to forget some of the scenes in this movie!

The unlikely pair form a strange friendship – with Luke offering good constructive criticism of Olivia’s vampire novel manuscript. He tells her that vamps should not be named “Vladimir,” tells her that vamps don’t live in moldy old castles in Romania- but rather “cool” places like Tokyo – and in this movie’s case – Lake Tahoe, among other places.

Despite Olivia’s best efforts to rehab this handsome vamp, bad things happen. He kills a vampire hunter named Julius in the garage, though to his credit, he actually cleaned up his mess with cleaning products he found in the garage! Also, two of Luke’s old vamp buddies come calling, and tell him he has to evict Olivia from her house. Though indignant about this turn of events, she stiffens up her lip and takes off in the vamp hunter’s SUV, which just happens to have various vampire hunting tools – crucifixes, stakes, and a crossbow. I found it hard to believe that meek, mousy Olivia – whom is amusing in her wide-eyed fascination with her new vampire roommate – would ever be able to use a crossbow successfully. Note, I do not own any of the photos in this blog, nor do I profit from the blog (jussayn):

After being booted out of her home on a cold night, Olivia quickly turns bad-ass – though only after asking a guy in the vampire hunter council named Simon for help. He coolly tells her help will arrive within several months – so she says she’ll try taking care of the problem herself, which he advises against her doing. She waits until the next morning when the vamps are sleeping off their blood hangovers in her trashed living room – and manages to dispatch two of them by staking them through the heart – and it looks as though Luke is not long for his immortal world, either. Or IS he?

The final scenes show Olivia as a successful vampire fiction writer (anyone could have predicted this ending) at a book signing. She returns home, where Luke is still her house guest – though instead of paying rent – he is paying her by offering her writing tips! And yes, she is still providing him microwaved blood (it takes about a minute to warm up the mugs of blood)!

We streamed this free on the Vudu streaming service. Now what are you waiting for? Go watch it!

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