Today, I “bit the bullet” and made a Costco run. I wanted to get enough booze to get us well into 2021, so…

Lines were snaking back pretty far along the main aisles, the line I was in was almost as far back as the liquor section! Thankfully it moved fast, but there were still some…irritants. An entitled looking 30-something woman wearing whimsical leggings abandoned her loaded cart when she was just a couple of clicks away from checkpoints so she could get something else. Bitch. You don’t “hold your spot.” Just move along…you probably don’t really “need” that item you abandoned your cart inconsiderately for, did you (honestly I didn’t even pay attention to what she went to grab).

Then, as though by divine providence, or perhaps maybe someone felt somewhat sympathetic to a customer who was ONLY BUYING BOOZE AND NOT ANOTHER GODDAMN THING – a Costco associate approached me and said “If you’re all set, you can proceed to checkout #52. It wasn’t a regular “lane,” it was a lonely little checkout station set up by the food area. I felt so “privileged!” I said to the cashier, “I had no idea you had express lines here!” He said, “Yes, VIPs only!”

I knew he was just using customer service smarm with that statement, but it was pretty damn nice coming into a store that annoys me when it’s NOT insanely busy with pandemic/holiday shoppers and having that little nice thing happen! Especially when I stopped in after work!

How long will it take to get through those 96 cans of Kirkland hard seltzer? I put three of those cases in the garage, brought one inside so we can put some in the fridge. Maybe we’ll sing…

“Ninety-six cans of seltzer on the wall…ninety-six cans of seltzer…take one down, chug it down, ninety-five cans of seltzer on the wall!”