So the Golden Globe Awards were on  tonight…

Here are my observations:

• Cate Blanchett’s dress – ” I can’t  believe  it’s  not not butter.”
• J Lo  dress – “I can’t  believe  that’s  not a Christmas  present .”
• Tom Hanks – “Please, please  stop playing  real life heroes. Play  a villain  to show  you have  range.”
• Taron Egerton – “You’re  f—ing adorable.”
• Michelle Williams’ dress – “Toga  toga  toga. Also – was that a blue  scrunchie on your  right arm? Loved you  in Fosse Verdon, BTW! You nailed Gwen Verdon’s voice.”
• Selma Hayek – ” Your  boobs are WAY bigger now than they were in Dogma. Yes I noticed..”
• Joaquin Phoenix  – “I don’t  think I’d  be able to do an awards show sober  either, bro.”
• Sandra Bullock – “That was a nice color (mustard yellow) on you. But tone back the ruffles on  your  lower body a smidgen. Also your hair reminded me of ‘before’ shot from Miss Congeniality. Maybe  that’s  fashionable  now though since Blanchett’s hair also had that ‘I just got  fucked’ look. What  do I know?”
• Ricky Gervais – “Nice outfit. Ditto for Renee Zellweger  and Pierce Brosnan.”