Father’s Day, 2019 is Sunday, June 16. What kind of Father’s Day gift does YOUR dad want, if anything? Maybe you’re a dad and your wife and or kids are trying to figure out what you want? You’d THINK that your “honest” answer – “I just want a night out with the guys” or “I just want a night of peace and quiet and for the kids to finally master playing the quiet game” would be good answers (pssst…they’re not)! Chances are, someone is trying to think of some “thing” to buy for you if you’re a dad – or you’re trying to think of what to buy for your own dad!
So what does Daddy want? Chances are it’s NOT a necktie! Without putting too fine of a point on it, DO NOT BUY YOUR DAD A TIE FOR FATHER’S DAY! Repeat after me – DO NOT BUY YOUR DAD A TIE FOR FATHER’S DAY! This is the worst thing you can buy for daddy! Even if he has to wear ties to his job (pity the fool if he does…), the last thing he needs is a grim reminder of being chained to a job that makes him wear a clothing accessory akin to a noose. Do not do it!
Got that? Good! What should you get for him instead? Read on! First things first, know who your dad is before going out to buy him any kind of gift. But here are some suggestions…
Is Your Dad a…
Sports attire, items such as glassware/mugs with sports logos, tickets to sporting events, etc. are all great ideas for sports nuts. You could also act super interested while your dad engages in hero worship of – and blathers on about Bo Schembechler or Bob Ufer (ahem)! Is your dad a big Cleveland Browns fan? Then maybe you can arrange a “man date” with your dad and former Cleveland Browns running back and three-time AP MVP Jim Brown for a day! Imagine the fun they’ll have together!
Just don’t ask him about whether he threw a woman off that balcony!
A Guy Who Loves To Barbecue?
Gadgety barbecue tools are a good idea, maybe a whimsical apron. If you want to make a big statement, maybe you can buy a giant pack of his favorite grillable from Costco. What better way to say “I love you, Dad” than a 2-pound bag of frozen tail-on shrimp? You might want to throw a ribbon on it or something to make it look more “gift like.” Make sure it doesn’t thaw too much before giving it to him!
You really can’t go wrong with buying dad a nice bottle of scotch, tequila, Kraken rum, bourbon, vodka, MD 20/20 or whatever else it is he likes to drink to numb the pain of having you as a child (I kid…I kid)! It’s a gift that’s guaranteed to not go to waste, and won’t wind up cluttering up his closet when he gets tired of it! Maybe if you’re lucky, he’ll actually share some of that lovely hooch with you and tell you stories about how much of a “wild child” your mama used to be!
You know Daddy’s had a bad day at work when he gets home, shakes his fist at the air and yells, “Bourbon now!” Why not buy him the best? A few bourbon drinkers that I know say this stuff is pretty good!
Chances are there’s some kind of “sweet treat” your dad likes. Buy him his favorite gourmet candy, and as an extra special treat, maybe treat him to a lap dance given by a woman named Candy! Again, this is a gift that’s guaranteed to be enjoyed and NOT wind up in a landfill later on! Unless your dad’s a serial killer who targets strippers and leaves them in Dumpsters, but that goes without saying, doesn’t it?
Seriously, whatever you buy for your dad, put some thought into it – and DON’T BUY DAD A TIE!