My husband and I recently took a road trip from Southeast Michigan to Virginia. Our 20-year wedding anniversary was in May, but we decided that October would be when we “really” celebrated the milestone! Rewind 20 years ago, we took our honeymoon in Virginia, so we thought it would be fitting to re-visit this state for a couple of reasons – one, the Blue Ridge Mountains – and two, a friend of ours moved here in 2014. It was high time to pay him and his wife a visit! We consulted Google maps for a route to our friend’s home in Poquoson, VA, which is on the coast, near Newport News/Hampton. The Google machine estimated it would be about a 10.5 hour drive. We thought…”Hey, that’s no big deal! We spend about that much time driving to to visit family in the U.P. (Michigan slang for the “Upper Peninsula”).

Long story short? We left at about 8:30 a.m. Friday morning and arrived at our friend’s house at about 10:30 p.m. that evening. So it was a 14-hour drive! What happened, Google?

Well, it wasn’t completely Google’s fault. We took the first part of the Google recommended route through Ohio, which was I-80, aka the “Ohio Turnpike.” We actually like this road, even though we have to pay to use it. The service centers are well spaced, all have a decent variety of shops and restaurants, and you can gas up your car, and even buy a plush unicorn if you’re so inclined.

I took this photo for a friend who digs unicorns…spotted at a service plaza along I-80 on the Ohio Turnpike. I took this photo just before dying of cuteness overload. It was really nice knowing y’all!

So all was well in Ohio, aside from the heavy rains, which slowed us down a bit. Then we hit the first toll booth in Pennsylvania, and all hell broke loose. Well, not really…but we did face some bad news.

“What? We have to pay $7 just to get on the turnpike?” Mike asked the toll attendant.

“Yes,” the toll attendant replied.

“How far does this get me?” Mike asked.

“About 30 miles,” the toll attendant said.

Just as a side note, I’ve never been a person to look down my nose at anyone based upon what they do for a living, whether that be prostitution, pimp daddying, pole dancing, ditch digging, food-slinging, bartending, drug dealing, presidenting, spin doctoring, what have you. But if I EVER had to work in a toll booth, I’d go Sonny Corleone on myself. Below is a photo showing what happened to Sonny in the 1972 film “The Godfather” when he pissed off the wrong people:

Poor Sonny died of lead poisoning…and so would I if I ever had to work in a toll booth!

So we decided to alter our route slightly and avoid Pennsylvania turnpikes altogether.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against Pennsylvania. It certainly has its nice scenery. I particularly liked this metal bridge:

 

All bridges that cross the Ohio River are required by law to look like this, LOL.

Pennsylvania also has a quirky personality to boot:

The Commonwealth of PA has a zero-tolerance policy for picnic table theft. Spotted at a rest area.

Pennsylvania also has an issue with rest area visitors taking a walk in the woods:

Having successfully avoided the turnpike, we headed onto a highway that took us through the northern portions of West Virginia and Maryland. Both of which had some nice scenery.

Taken somewhere in MD or WV.

Maryland is an interesting state – though it is technically a “northern” state, we got a different vibe when we stopped at a gas station. The locals, some of which looked like extras from “Duck Dynasty,” definitely did NOT look like they lived in a “northern” state. Though, to be fair, they would fit in nicely in some parts of rural and Northern MI. One gas station had designated motorcycle parking spots, which I have never seen. I did not get any photos of the locals or the motorcycle parking, but I did take this photo, which has just about as “Southern” of a vibe as you can get:

I call shenanigans on this! Would any “real” Southerner buy “shine” in a convenience store? If it ain’t from  Jed’s still, I ain’t drinking it! More on this topic later!

Our drive through West Virginia and  Maryland was pretty uneventful. All that would change once we crossed the border into Virginia, and headed south through Washington, D.C. Now that we know what we know, we will NEVER take this route into VA again! Wall-to-wall traffic for at least two hours. Good thing we made a quick stop at McDonald’s for a bite to eat! McDonald’s isn’t normally my go-to fast-food stop, but we just wanted to get on and off the highway quickly and not search around too much. Their buttermilk chicken strips are actually pretty good! After making our pit stop, this is what we faced:

I actually like how this photo turned out despite the blurriness. Washington, D.C.

I began depriving myself of hydration in an effort to keep us from having to stop to find a rest room. Yeah, it was that bad! The heavy, heavy traffic, aggravated by an accident, continued until well south of D.C. and heading toward Richmond. Finally, traffic cleared off a bit and we found a nice rest stop. I drank some iced tea for a pick-me-up, and we continued heading toward our destination, though we didn’t know exactly when we would arrive. We were at the mercy of congested VA highways.

Finally we saw a very welcome sign (please pardon the blurriness):

Victory Boulevard! Fitting name for a road we had been waiting for far too long!

We kept our friend up to date on our trip, and he assured us he would either have delivered pizza waiting for us or some homemade pizza when we arrived. We gave them a quick call when we were on their road just for some navigational help finding their house in the dark. Their place was along a gravel road with a deep ditch alongside it, they warned us not to put the car into the ditch or it would die! Duly noted! So we found the house, brought in our stuff and it was chill central from there. We hung out on their screened porch out back which had a multi-tap kegerator fully stocked with Sam’s home-brewed beer. Sam shared some stories about his neighbors, most of whom are somehow affiliated with the military, as Langley Air Force Base is just a stone’s throw away. One of Sam’s neighbors gave him and his wife Angela a bottle of “shine” for a housewarming gift. The neighbor claimed that he distilled the hooch at his property in KY. Sam took a sidelong look at a shed the neighbor had in his backyard and presumed that was REALLY where the “shine” was made. The “apple pie” flavored shine did a nice job of knocking Sam and Angela off their feet!  Always the scientist, Sam managed to determine that the moonshine was about 80 percent alcohol (I do not recall the device he used to figure this out). Now THAT’s Southern hospitality! Make sure to help get your new neighbors drunk off your homemade turnip squeezins’! There is absolutely nothing like hearing one of Sam’s anecdotes! And with plenty of homemade pizza and beer to drown out the badness of the drive, life was good!

Reunited and it feels so good!