Though no two visits to a public pool will be the same, most pool visitors will find there are some “common elements” each time they visit. Read on to see some examples of people you will almost always see at a public pool…

Overcompensating Divorced Dad

Usually spotted on a Saturday or Sunday…Overcompensating Divorced Dad has the kids for the weekend – and he’s being super fun Daddy in the pool! He’ll lift the kiddos by their feet and will hurl them all in the water – putting all of the other “boring” dads to shame! Maybe after enough visits to the pool with the kids he’ll actually forget about the sordid affair he had with the kids’ babysitter that caused him to become “Overcompensating Divorced Dad” in the first place! For now, your kids don’t know what happened with the babysitter – but all of the other kids’ mommies DO!

Overly Tanned “Leather Lizard Queen”

No, that’s not your brown Prada handbag – that’s “Leather Lizard Queen!” Maybe you’ll see her at the next telethon to end skin cancer…(if she lives long enough)

“Mr. Spandex”

“Mr. Spandex” comes in all shapes, sizes and ages! From the young and athletic, middle aged and dumpy, and… Wilford Brimley! Try as you might, you just can’t take your eyes away from “Mr. Spandex!” You can choose the “minimalist” look of the standard “swim brief” or if you want more coverage, you can choose the “Milli Vanilli” look… Everyone will excuse you for wearing the spandex “swim brief” to the pool – which may or may not be the “Speedo” brand – if you are Ryan Lochte!

Floating “Amateurs”

So what if your kid hasn’t learned to swim yet? Put on the inflatable “water wings” (if the pool allows them) and optional life jacket and watch ’em bob around in the water! Maybe they will be humiliated enough by the experience to say, “Mom – can I PLEASE take swimming lessons?”

Overly Comfortable Naked Old Guy(s) In Locker Room

Since I am a female, I have not witnessed this scenario first hand. But my husband says this happens EVERY TIME he goes into a pool (or gym) locker room. Sometimes they’ll even hike up their legs on benches while naked just to accentuate how “comfortable” they are!

“Eye Candy”

Despite all of the awful things you can see when you visit a public pool, you’re also quite likely to see “eye candy!” Why else would you wear your sunglasses to the pool? 😉