Ever have someone stop talking to you/interacting with you suddenly without giving a reason? Nowadays, its called being “ghosted.” And it’s happened to me more than once in the past year or so. It’s annoying, it’s hurtful, it’s passive aggressive and it raises multiple questions in your mind.

Last time I did it to someone was probably about 18 years ago or so, when my husband was asked by a “friend” of ours if he wanted to do some “yayo” with him. Meaning cocaine. We cut him out of our lives instantly. Stopped returning calls (no texts in those days). I’m sure it was painful from the other guy’s end, but it was something we had to do. Marijuana and booze is one thing, but those “harder” drugs were not something we wanted anything to do with.

I’ve been “ghosted” before, too. Long before it was even named that. Even if you think you understand the reasons behind the other person doing it to you, it still hurts, for the record. You feel like you weren’t even given a chance to defend yourself – or state your case. Even if you’re being “ghosted” because of the other person being in the wrong – it still hurts when they cut off all contact with you.

In your more optimistic moments you think…hope that maybe the other person is ghosting you based on a misunderstanding that could be cleared up with a single conversation. But you also think that maybe you’re being ghosted because the other person really doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore. Maybe they have really good reasons for not wanting to talk to you anymore. Or maybe (long shot here) they’re not responding to your texts/messages because they simply haven’t seen them. This is the absolute worst part of being “ghosted” – is all of these questions in your mind for which there are no solid answers.

Sometimes when a person decides to “call it quits” with you it’s a good thing in disguise. I had a guy on my trivia team walk off in a huff last April and I haven’t looked back. Even if he came to me and asked about playing on the team again I wouldn’t necessarily say yes (though I would expect an apology from him first for having called me a “fucking asshole”). A couple we’d befriended about 10 years or so decided to cut things off with us a few years later. The male “half” of the couple instigated the whole thing, and because of frequent demonstrations of asshole behavior (misogynist attitudes toward me and most other women), we decided we were better off without him in our lives (even if we did enjoy our friendship with the female “half” of the couple). Again, no looking back.

In this current “case” of being ghosted? If I’m actually being “ghosted?”  I’ll leave the door open if they ever want to talk to me again. I have no real ill will toward the person. I know too well how complicated things can get with certain friendships. Sometimes men and women can’t be friends with each other. And I know humans themselves are complicated creatures…some more than others!