I had a friend request on Facebook about three weeks ago, which alarmed me, I have my account set up in such a fashion that only friends of friends can request me as a friend, and I may or may not be someone who can be “searched.” I honestly don’t know for sure, I haven’t looked at my settings in quite a while. I use my nickname instead of my first name in what I hope is an effective means of keeping high school classmates from finding me on FB. I also do not list the town where I grew up, nor the high school from where I graduated.

So who was this “Stacy” (not her real name) person whom had requested me as a friend? I kind of let the request sit for a couple of days before responding, and only responded since she bothered to send me a message via Facebook Messenger. And we wound up chatting a bit. I “may” have been 2-3 drinks in as I messaged her from my tablet at a local watering hole, and was likely in my “Professor Barney” stage. I’ll let a “Simpsons” meme do the explaining here…

While I was in my “Professor Barney” stage of drunkenness, I said something along these lines: “We’re all just rocks hurtling through the universe. Sometimes they will hit each other, and make an impact. Most of the time it’s just near-misses.”

Profound, right? I’m pretty sure I stole that quote from some movie, but I honestly don’t know which one. But it made me reflect upon my own life experiences – past and present – nonetheless! And the people with whom I’ve interacted through it all (for good and for bad).

Turns out “Stacy”  was just a friend of a friend, no harm, no foul, right? She also happened to be friends with a former co-worker of mine, so I added her, and almost promptly “snoozed” her because of her annoying vacation posts. I won’t see her posts for 30 days since clicking the “snooze” button. Ain’t I a stinker? Maybe she didn’t make that much of an impact with me (LOL).

Let’s talk about the word “impact,” shall we? Let’s say we really are rocks hurtling through this crazy universe – some of them will hit each other and make either a positive –  or negative impact. In 2006, my husband and I were sitting in a crowded bar for an Oktoberfest party, and we wound up sitting next to a quirky, chatty little guy who would become one of our best friends. And he still is. I’ll call him “Brad.” Total random encounter in a bar, and we met a great friend. Too bad that not all such random “encounters” are treated equally!

Fast forward about four years, and I was in the same bar, where we ran “afoul” of a different group of people. Words…were exchanged (mostly instigated by my…opinionated husband, I was trying like crazy to stay out of it). Tempers started to flare. One of the guys in that party wound up grabbing my full mug of beer – and shoving it at me – spilling it over every stitch of clothing I was wearing. Let’s just say I didn’t react… kindly! In one of the few “Of Course You Realize This Means War” moments I’ve had in my life, I dumped HIS beer right over his head. I wound up having to talk to at least a couple of different bar managers to make sure it was clear that I would be permanently banned from there if anything like this happened again. I assured them it was an isolated incident, and made sure to explain the “extenuating” circumstances, which proved the other party was not blameless.  Yelling “F—ing giant” at me as they left didn’t do them any favors! I may have dumped a beer over a dude’s head, but I did NOT resort to name-calling!  The other party had to talk to bar staff, too. All because I was trying to…stay out of it. Road to Hell paved with good intentions?

So this would be a “negative” impact, correct?

Since we don’t live in a black-and-white universe, there are lots of “grey” areas, too. I’ve had at least a couple of friends I’ve met, whom I initially…did not like. In both cases, both parties wound up growing on each other, and we became good friends. One of whom, I’ll call “Amy,” I haven’t seen too much in the past 10 years or so (she is kind of a workaholic). The other, whom I’ll call “Dave,” got off to kind of a rocky start with me, too in 1998. There was a little friction at the beginning, as he learned what buttons he would be able to get away with pushing with  me (he is kind of a jokester) and which ones he would push that would result in me smacking him one. We got through this stage, and still remain friends today. We recently spent the Fourth of July with him – we had a barbecue, fucked around with his Alexa, watched his neighbors attempt to blow up the world (with fireworks), and played a little Rock Band. I played vocalist on “expert” mode and did quite well (over 85 percent on all of the songs I did). Boo ya!

Truth be told, friends come and go throughout our lives. People lose touch, lose interest. A guy making a recent departure from my life did so by calling me a “fucking asshole.” He wasn’t happy with a decision I made about him playing on my trivia team for a tournament. It didn’t happen in a vacuum, tensions had been building up between him and I for years, and he wasn’t really friends with anyone else our our trivia team anyway. It was a “clean break,” and a relief when it was all said and done.

Now let’s talk about romance! We all like happy endings, don’t we? Even outside  that  Asian  massage  parlor?  It’s great when two people meet, the chemistry is great, they hit it off and end up hooking up, maybe starting a family and becoming the “E-Harmony” poster couple, in other words. Right? Well yes, I met my husband in 1992, during a chance meeting at a Halloween party. We were just two random folks who made an impact on each other.  In that scenario, both of us were unattached and wanted this to happen! We’re still together, 28 years later.

Here’s where complications arise – such as one or both persons meeting someone else (usually of the opposite sex) while they are already in  committed relationships. Sometimes (though not always), you just wind up making a great friend, and the story ends here – it’s all platonic, without any pesky…”feelings.” Maybe the feelings are one-sided, which makes it an issue for only one of those people.  Unfortunately, this is not how all of these encounters shake out, even if both parties make their best efforts. It’s a slippery slope – if both people are experiencing the same feelings about each other, and they are acted upon, it can lead to infidelity, pregnancy, deceit, divorce, lost friends, etc. Think about the plots to many, many Hollywood and made-for-TV movies based on scenarios like this!  Some people just have undeniable “chemistry” with other people whom are “off limits” and can’t just be “friends.” Forbidden fruit? Perhaps.

I’ve been in this situation at least a couple of times in my life, and it’s…rough for both parties. You can’t just shut off your feelings (believe me…I’ve tried). Temptation is very, very real, and it can take every fiber of your being to overcome it – or at least slow it down/cool it off a bit. Someone either really turns you on – or they don’t. This kind of thing can’t be forced, but when certain people get “together,”  it’s truly a force to be reckoned with! A force of nature, if you will. I’ve experienced dealing with these feelings, and it’s NOT fun, even if, overall, you enjoy  interacting  with that person! Multiple films have been made describing how the experience is for guys (ahem) – wanting to sleep with their female friends –  but I have yet to see a film tackle the subject of females who are in similar situations.  Maybe I will have to step up to that task (lol). American Beauty came close. In this movie, characters played by Annette Bening and Kevin Spacey are in bed, talking about their respective sexual frustrations. After catching him masturbating she says pointedly, “You think you’re the only one who’s frustrated? Then she winds up having a torrid affair with a rival Realtor, thus acting on her frustrations/desires. And they wind up getting caught in the act by her husband while he is working at a drive-through window.

 

Instead of cheating on his wife, Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) in American Beauty instead opts to fantasize about his daughter’s friend (played by Mena Suvari). She winds up hitting on him during the movie, but he lets her down easy.

Some folks do walk the tightrope when it comes to being “just friends” with each other.  It can be risky – caution certainly is the watchword if they attempt to do it – but sometimes it just doesn’t work. It’s tough enough in this crazy universe to establish ANY kind of meaningful connection with people, despite us all being virtually connected via phones, social media, etc. If you can find a person whom you like, understands/accepts/”gets” you, a person you can confide in, laugh with/make laugh, shares some of your interests, etc. (they just also happen to kind of turn you on from time to time)? Take it at face value. You’re not going to meet people like these every day. Maybe your relationship with this person will always be “complicated.” Any interaction is better than none if it’s positive!