“The holidays” are officially unleashed. Thanksgiving is in two days, your neighbor  probably has string lights and some kind of gaudy inflatable snowman perched in the yard staring at you through your window, and stores have been blaring holiday songs for weeks. Stay in a mall store for about two hours, and chances are, you’ll hear at least two versions of Baby, It’s Cold Outside, which I insist is about date rape, but that’s another blog topic! A quirky thing about the holidays is the lingo. This is the time of year you’re going to come across strange words that you’re never going to hear any other time of year. Here’s a roundup of some of those strange “holiday” words that materialize only around the holidays…

Merry

Unless you are talking about a merry-go-round or using the phrase “eat, drink and be merry,” you’re not likely to hear anyone saying the word “merry” unless it’s the holidays. Another notable exception is the character Meriadoc Brandybuck from The Lord of the Rings films, whose nickname was Merry.

Mom? Can I have a couple of Hobbits for Christmas? Pretty please?

So what does merry mean? Well, it’s just a fancy word for “happy” or “joyful.”  Pointless…we have enough words to describe “happy,” don’t we? And this time of year might not be the most “merry” for everyone! Moving on!

Egg Nog

I won’t go near this stuff. The word “nog” just grosses me out. I’m not a fan of eggs unless they’re being used to bind other foods together (cookies, meat loaf, etc.). I know that kind of makes me a strange “egg,” but I digress! From what I gather, egg nog is just an extra fatty/sugary spiced dairy concoction whose only purpose is to mask the taste – of or dilute whatever booze you’re mixing it with, but I suppose there are people who drink it straight. Or have it with coffee, or on their cereal if they’re out of milk. Ick, ick, ick! Dairy products and alcohol are strange bedfellows, imho! No THANK you!

Carol

I’m not talking about that co-worker of yours whose haircut is straight outta 1983, nor am I talking about the female given name, which sometimes has an “e” on the end of it, or is paired with a middle name, like that little girl from Poltergeist. Here, the word “Carol” means “Holiday song.” I honestly don’t know why it’s not just called a song. But It’s “Carol” – it’s a noun – “Let’s sing that Christmas carol again and annoy everyone in the room.” It’s also a verb – “Let’s go Caroling.” Now don’t get me wrong! I LOVE singing! But if you ever caught me out “caroling,” door to door, especially while wearing an ugly Christmas sweater, then something dark and creepy has definitely happened! Alert the authorities! But do not approach me under any circumstances! I have obviously succumbed to some dark powers if you ever see me doing these things!

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Carol Anne in Poltergeist when she sees Christmas carolers at the door.

Jolly

Jolly is another word you’ll seldom hear outside the holiday season. Notable exceptions include the Jolly Green Giant, a Jolly Roger (lingo for specific type of pirate flag) or Jolly being used in a name for a business, road, or other proper noun. There is a Jolly Road near Lansing, MI, and, fittingly enough, has a Deja Vu strip club on this very road! I used to get a big chuckle out of that when I would drive through Lansing! Jolly is just another synonym for happy, and as I pointed out earlier, we have ENOUGH words for happy!

Wassail

You’re not likely to hear this word at all unless you work in a place where holiday songs are played 24/7. But chances are, if you were ever in band, you probably had to play “The Wassail Song:”

Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail too,
And God bless you and send you a happy New Year.
And God send you a happy New Year.

A cursory Google search tells me that wassail is hot mulled cider. That sounds good, I’ll drink that! Especially with a smidge of rum or something else to make it even warmer, wink-wink! Sounds much better than egg nog!

Crèche

If anyone ever uses this word around you? They are just being pretentious f—s. It’s just a fancy French word for “nativity scene.” Anyone who uses the word is just trying to show off how smart they are. I used to work at a newspaper years ago, and another reporter used this word in a news story about someone’s nativity scene being burglarized (apparently holiday decoration theft is quite common). I took a dim view to her using that word, and think of this pompous woman whenever I come across this word. Amazingly enough, this was the last time I ever came across that word.