Editor’s note: This was written by my husband, Mike R., whom is irrefutably an expert in the works of J.R.R. Tolkien, and has read “The Silmarillion” probably at least 20 times in his lifetime. This is his attempt to do a “Cliff’s Notes” version for me! Please note there is some adult language/profanity and get to your “safe place” post haste!
Illuvatar conceives the world
Ainur helps make the world
Melkor//Morgoth subverts Ainur’s creation.
Illuvatar MAKES world
Valar enter the world (Melkor/Morgoth is one of them).
Valar create Valinor, Melkor creates his own realm (Utumno).
Lots of shit happens. Elves awaken. Aulë makes Dwarves.
Melkor fucks with things.
Two trees created – Laurelin, Telperion
Fëanor, the Greatest Elf, creates Silmarils
Melkor/Morgoth and Ungoliant (giant spider) destroy trees, take Silmarils

Ungoliant

Fëanor vows vengeance. Elves go to Middle Earth to fight Morgoth. Galadriel is one of those Elves.
A LOT OF SHIT HAPPENS. Humans are born, so are the Dwarves. Everybody fails in their fight against Morgoth.

 

The romantic story of Beren (a human) and Luthien (an elf)  is part of the “A lot of shit happens” sequence…Their story mirrored the real-life romance of author J.R.R. Tolkien and his wife, Edith – the names “Beren” and “Luthien” are on their headstones.

Eärendil begs Valinor to take down Morgoth. Silmarils are lost in time.
Valar destroy Morgoth and halfway destroy world.
Valar create Numenor for faithful humans out of guilt. Elrond and Elros are first Kings of Numenor, sons of Eärendil.
Eärendil has last Silmaril. He wears it in a crown while sailing on a boat in the sky.
Numenor does bad-ass shit. They even capture Sauron (a lieutenant of Morgoth).
Sauron mind-fucks Numenor. they become evil. He creates rings of power to fuck Middle-Earth.
Numenor attacks Valinor. Valinor fucks their shit up and changes the world again. They destroy Numenor and make the world round-shaped.
Faithful Numenorians found Arnor and Gondor. This is where Gandalf enters the picture.

The rest is history.